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September 24, 2012
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Late Night by kapieren Late Night by kapieren
"Only fools and children have hope." - Antoine



If you want more of a description to this, go to my FA. If you know Antoine's revamped purpose and past in my universe then you will get this. If you don't, sorry.

For whatever fucked up reason I listened to three CD's of ICP while drawing this. What's even worse is I like their older stuff.... what the fuuuck emotions.
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:iconjesterofsecrets:
jesterofsecrets Dec 17, 2013  Student General Artist
I kinda want to see your take on knuckels face( since in real life its pretty fuckin weird). But this was really good. What program do you use?
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:iconklownykritter:
KlownyKritter Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wicked, a fellow old school ICP fan, that's awesome. I had an odd feeling but I didn't really want to ask and seem weird
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:iconkapieren:
kapieren Oct 28, 2013  Professional General Artist
I'd be one of the rarer ICP fans considering I'm black, haha. No shame! 
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:iconklownykritter:
KlownyKritter Oct 28, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hell yeah lol
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:iconcsbernard:
I don't know if I'd consider myself in the "clinically" sense depressed, but my emotions can be on a bit of a bungee cord. I can almost sort of relate to this... and almost sort of not. Probably because I'm the "brooder" type that takes more to raging and sulking than what Antoine is doing, here. You have to hit my psyche in a particular way to get me to shed tears. Otherwise, people idly comment on how I seem to go about looking just "glum" or angry about something. Ah, the life of the introvert...

Antoine would probably go curl up with Jean Paul Sartre or Albert Camus, right now. Me? Soren Kierkegaard or Friedrich Nietzsche.

"The thought of suicide is a powerful solace: by means of it one gets through many a bad night." -Nietzsche

"I have just now come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away — yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the earth's orbit ——————————— and wanted to shoot myself." -Kierkegaard
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:iconkapieren:
kapieren Sep 26, 2012  Professional General Artist
Condition wise I suffer seasonal depressed and the line of depression comes from my father's side starting, most evidently, with my grandfather. My sibling has depression to, but all three of us have different forms and handle it in different ways.

Although this image is based off of what I was personally going through in a physical and mental sense, his depressive personality and reactions to such situations are based on a multitude of individuals in my family; primarily my sibling and grandfather.

For example when I'm depressed I go through secluded and private episodes or breakdowns. My breakdowns normally include staring at objects (generally walls) for prolonged periods of time (anywhere between 2-5 hours). As a general rule after an episode, for me at least, I force myself to complete whatever is bothering me within a few hours. I also become compulsive at things like cleaning and will become an insomniac with a loss of appetite regardless if I'm breaking down or not. My episodes are often bought on by a sense of personal failure or shame.

My sibling often will often become disorganized and spend the majority of their time indoors. But has a higher tendency to avoid doing what they need to do to overcome their fear and in essence, accept the depression instead of fighting it. Their trigger often seems to be caused from a sense of loss or missed opportunity and their duration often lasts longer than mine.

My grandfather often showed a sense of apathy and silence but due to his gruff nature it was harder to notice. Although he would take prolonged walks in the middle of the night, a similar trait I share with him except I do my walks in parks and at noon. 

So Antoine, like me, is triggered into depressive episodes when he has a sense of personal failure. Like my sister, avoids his depression and prefers to no mention anything that would trigger bad memories. The latter is a partial reason why he refuses to leave his current compound because he knows no one there and no one can "judge" him for what really bothers him. Partially because he's a "transfer" and partially because most of the people living there are too jaded with their own personal problems or success to realize anyone else's or care about them. So this allows him to express negative feelings in public (less emotional than this) and private without being viewed subjectively because of it. And similar to my grandfather, he is a bit jaded and prefers to avoid those who know him due to the feeling of being judged based on past events. And like all three of us he often responds to situations with satire and criticisms, not in an emo way, but more of a humorous one. As long as you don't talk about the past or bring up anything that reminds him about it, he's not that much of an asshole. :XD: But he isn't vocal about his negative emotions and just hides them. So even when he cares about people, it comes off as though he doesn't.

Lol, I'm an extrovert, but don't like showing negative emotions outside of anger, at all... and will hide them long enough in most cases until I'm in a secluded area. And yes... I love me some Nietzsche. I've heard little of Kierkegaard but he seems like a cool dude.
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:iconcsbernard:
I'd only recommend Kierkegaard to people who believe that Christianity, or at least religion in general, is the metaphysical solution for life in this world. Kierkegaard's pioneering work in philosophy opened the schools of Absurdism and Existentialism, but almost universally, everyone that followed him were convinced atheists: Nietzsche, Camus, etc. While they left some leeway (or ignored it altogether) for Christianity/religion as potentially useful, they categorically rejected it as their first option.

The big problem for everyone is Kierkegaard's insistence on the "leap of faith," principle. As a Christian and Absurdist... I can see Kierkegaard's general methodology and concur with it. Most argue he, himself, invalidates that option with his process and only seems to make that leap blindly.

Simply put, if you want to read Kierkegaard, start with either his Journals or Fear & Trembling. If you can get through either/or (another book title of his), then, there you go. If not, don't say I didn't underline the caveats. If you pick up Fear & Trembling, be prepared for a very lengthy discourse on Abraham of the Bible and one man's unabashed adoration of him.
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:iconnadyaloca:
NadyaLoca Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Filmographer
I only can say
WOW !
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:iconrapideyemovement-14:
Excellent. You can really sense the bitterness and despair in this picture. On a technical level, the lighting is amazing as always.
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:icondcrest13:
I really love the lighting on this piece. But what really does it for me is the background. It conveys a sense of seperation, I think? He's stuck in a drab and cramped environment that doesn't look like his own. Probably is away from the company he enjoys to keep around...
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